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How about a quick note to myself that I typed out: "I haven't felt this good about myself in a long time, maybe ever" this morning?
And then deleted it, deleted the entire message, and went with "We only really 'find' our way in hindsight".
Says more about me than anyone receiving my wise Sunday morning reverie.
Just keeping tabs on myself. I'm alright. Even though everyone is worse or better off, making me a spoilt unappreciative brat or a problematic entity with a lot of baggage. But, you know, as just myself, I guess I'm alright.
What even is this?
Seriously, just go to bed.
And then deleted it, deleted the entire message, and went with "We only really 'find' our way in hindsight".
Says more about me than anyone receiving my wise Sunday morning reverie.
Just keeping tabs on myself. I'm alright. Even though everyone is worse or better off, making me a spoilt unappreciative brat or a problematic entity with a lot of baggage. But, you know, as just myself, I guess I'm alright.
What even is this?
Seriously, just go to bed.
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This is not the end
That's what you said
So why am I here writing this
when I should be smiling with your every message
except I no longer receive messages from you
This is not the end
And then you left
You turned back to look at me
threatening to blow me the kiss you know I hate to catch
And you turned back again
And again
and I waved a smaller wave each time
Then I made the decision and walked out of view
So I could put a stop to this on my own terms
I sat outside getting battered by the wind with my eyes closed
Another harsh moment in an environment so familiar I can't tell the occasions apart
This is not the end
And yet it is
It ended long a
Growing and learning
Relationships between two people consist of two living, breathing, feeling people.
The situation is not a neutral thing which exists in between to be poked at, examined and walked away from.
And so... Heart-break results.
Maybe it will heal, maybe it will wait to see what happens, maybe it will freeze in this shattered state.
And maybe it will all be good as new, the heart(s), the people and the situation.
Deep breaths and happy thoughts.
And 'a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life'.
Done.
Is it time...
for a confession of confusion?
Decisions, decisions.
And not just my own.
My decisions will change your life.
Now that is heavy responsibility.
They will determine, mine, too, of course.
But after all, I am the one deciding.
How unfair of you to make me choose.
And how unfair of me to make your choice.
I want you now.
But then I want you after.
And then I want it all.
But it's not possible for anyone.
And where can I be?
Doing what?
Ah, the great abyss...
A new chapter?
Who knows what it's about,
or how important it is within the plot,
or whether there's a twist in the tale,
or flashbacks to other chapters,
or who will be in it?
Teeheehee, so exciting :)
Let's hope/make this 15-year-old excitement and curiosity and fool's confidence last!
:D
Ah, life, funny thing...
© 2015 - 2024 w-o-a-nderer
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I recently discovered lemongrass cinnamon tea. It's nice.